These characters do not belong to me. This is just fanfiction. Please email me your comments, thanks!

Scene: The Kitchen. Kerry and Rory are having breakfast at the counter and Cate is just walking around in the kitchen. Bridget walks in with a top that is half naked.

Bridget: Hey, mom.

Cate: What in the world are you wearing?

Bridget: Oh, so there's this thing at school today. It's, umm, it's my assignment. Each one of us is to go to school with a different costume and character.

Kerry: Oh, so you're going as a stripper?

Bridget: No, red-head. (Pause) I am a single nurse, supporting my two children, Dwayne and Kyle.

Rory: So you're a nurse, that strips?

Cate: Bridget, are you sure you understood your assignment right?

Bridget: Yes, mom! What do you think, I would just love to go to school looking like this? (Pause) Actually, yeah!

Paul: (Walking in) Actually, no. (to Cate) Hi.

Cate: Hey, honey. (Kisses Paul)

Kerry: (looking away) Eeeewwww! Oh, my god! Mom!

Rory: Dad!

Bridget: So disgusting!

Paul: What, hey, come on, children. What, you're too disgusted to see two people making out on the lips?

Kerry: No, but it depends if the make out-ers are over twenty years old!

Paul: (to Bridget) Change.

Bridget: What? Come on! I'm seventeen!

Paul: Bridget, there is no argument on this, okay? There is no way I am letting my seventeen year-old daughter go to school wearing like some...(looks at her dress) slutty nurse!

Rory: Way to go, dad!

Bridget: (to Rory) Shut up! (to Paul) Dad, it's a homework. For school.

Paul: It's a must. Change now.

Bridget: My god, I can't even believe I belong in this family! I am so not a Hennessey! God, I hate you! I hate this day! This is my worst day of my life! (Goes upstairs)

Kerry: (Smiling) It's my best day ever.

Paul: (to Rory) Oh, Rory, son, finish your homework at school today. 'Cause you and I are going to play tennis.

Rory: I don't remember agreeing to that.

Paul: Hey, come on! You're the only normal kid I have!

Kerry: Dad!

Paul: I said "boy", did you not hear that?

Cate: Oh, and Kerry, tonight is Friday, you know what that means, right?

Kerry: Yes. The silent treatment day.

Cate: No. The family movie night day. I am going to bring you guys the best movie to watch today.

Kerry: Mmm-hmm, I hope it's better than last Friday's movie night movie.

Cate: Your dad picked it up, okay?

Paul: What? Hey! What's so wrong with Naked Women On The Beach?

Bridget: (walking down the stairs with regular clothes and a coat that covers everything) Happy now? Let's go.

Paul: Okay. That's my only girl that I had.

Kerry: Dad!

Paul: Hey, I said "spoiled girl", did you not hear that?

Cate: Okay, your dad is going to take you to school today, because I have work in about an hour.

Rory: Okay. Dad, make sure you don't embarrass us in front of our friends.

Paul: Hey, it's not like I'm gonna take you to your classes. Just to the hallways.

Bridge: No way!

Kerry: Don't you think that is gonna...

Bridget: Not happening!

Rory: I'm walking to school today...

Bridget: You'll embarrass me in front of my friends and everyone...

Kerry: I am not riding the car with you!

Paul: So that's a "yes"?

Opening Credits

Scene: The Living Room. Judy is putting on her coat.

Cate: (singing)
Meet a part of me that feels like every other day.
It has been seen in pictures and in alleyways.
Can see it through your walls.
Can see it through your fall.
Can see it on your floor, wrongway.
Lift your head up, Wednesday.

Cate: Oh, my god, I've turned into my mother.

(Paulenters with all his angry kids.)

Kerry: I can't believe you did that!

Rory: That was embarrassing!

Bridget: And you totally ruined my make-up!

Cate: Kids, what in god's name are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at school?

Bridget: Well, thanks to our driver, we returned home.

Cate: What happened?

Paul: It was nothing!

Bridget: (speedy and really fast) So dad dropped us off at school in the parkway, although we told him not to, but he insisted so we accepted. We got out of the car, waved goodbye, and entered school. We were at the hallways near our lockers, headed to classes next to all our friends who are totally cool, except Amanda Lockhart, although she was included in the group but I hate her to death, ‘cause she’s a big slut who has a crush on Justin Waley, the hottest and sexiest guy in high school, who I am sure cannot stand her ‘cause he has a major crush on me.

Cate: Back to topic…

Kerry: Yeah. So…dad was suddenly heard calling after us and running, going like this (Makes a slow motion of a man running, flopping his hands in the air and his legs) And he was like this: “Bridget! Kerry! Rory! You forgot your lunches!”

Bridget: (Groans) Ugh, right, that’s what I was upset of.

Cate: Well, what are you doing back home?

Bridget: Mom, are you kidding? I cannot stand going back to school as the “Monster-Dad-Lunch Freak”.

Paul: Judy, tell them they are overreacting.

Cate: Yeah! You kids are way overreacting. (whispering to Paul) But this is not over.

Scene: The Living Room (the next morning). Kerry is eating at the counter and Rory is playing video games on the television while Paul is just around. Bridget comes down the stairs with another almost-topless sweater.

Paul: Bridget, sweetheart, what are you wearing? Uh-wha-why are you wearing this?

Kerry: It must be casual sex day at school.

Paul: Kerry! (to Bridget) Bridget, honey, what are you wearing?

Bridget: Uh-what three-quarters of seventeen year-olds would wear?

Paul: That would be a non-slutty sweater and some pants, but don’t get smart with me here! (Pause) Bridget, your stomach is shown, I could see your red underwear, and don’t even get me started on your bra!

Bridget: Uh-F.Y.I., there is no stomach to show since I’m so skinny, my red underwear is a thong, and my bra showing is exactly the point!

Rory: The point of being a stripper?

(Bridget goes to hit Rory, but Paul stops her.)

Paul: No, that was the boy. Don’t ever hit the boy! (Pause) Uh, Bridgie, as much as I hate to tell you this, but…your breasts are showing. Cover up!

Bridget: Oh, my god, dad! What is the big deal? Aren’t you ever gonna grow up and look at me to see a grown girl?

Kerry: With fat ass.

Bridget: Hey, who has a fat ass, you little….

Paul: (Stops her from attacking Kerry.) Bridge, sweetheart, I don’t want you to go out wearing this (points) and showing your…thongs and breasts to other guys.

Kerry: Okay, breakfast at morning switched to typical sex tips. (Goes up the stairs and takes her plate of cereal with her.)

Paul: Can you go change, please?

Bridget: (thinks) Okay. Okay. I’ll go change. I’m going to change.

Paul: Thank you.

Bridget: If Kerry moves to sleep in Rory's room.

Paul: What?

Rory: (Throws the video game away and looks back at them) What!

Kerry: (Runs down the stairs, yelling) What! (Pause) No way! No, no, no, no, no….There is no way I am going to move in with Harry Potter!

Rory: Oh, yeah! And there’s no way I am accepting that little freak in my bedroom!

Kerry: How did I even get into your conversation? I have no relationship to neither of you! (Pause) Except just same blood type, family related, and I live with you!

Bridget: (to Paul) So, is that a deal?

Paul: Are you actually threatening me into not changing your outfit unless I make your sister move out of your bedroom?

Bridget: Uh-huh.

Paul: Well played. (Pause) But, you little missy, are going to climb up that stairs, change your…stuff…(Pause), get back down here and show me your new regular human-clothes. (Pause) Oh – and one more thing, your little fat ass is grounded!

Bridget: (gasps) No!

Paul: That's right, you heard me! For two weeks. No mall, no partying, and no visitors of yours in our house. That’s how it’s gonna work in my house! (Walks away, then returns) I’m so sorry I yelled at you, cupcake!

Scene: Cate and Paul's Bedroom. Cate is in the bed with a book in her hand and she is reading as Paul quietly sits next to her.

(Silence for a long time. Paul then coughs. Cate ignores. Paul coughs again. Cate ignores and keeps digging in her book.)

Paul: So, what you reading over there?

Cate: (Closing the book) All right, what’s going on?

Paul: What? Nothing! I’m just being friendly. And polite. God! I’m just asking you what you’re reading.

Cate: Oh, yeah? So there’s nothing going on? (Paul nods) Then does it explain your weird behavior, your silent treatment, your (coughs in a really bad mocking way) and your friendly attitude?

Paul: What are you talking about? I’m always like that!

Cate: George!

Paul: All right, fine. Well, the thing is…I just-I feel like I’m not so connected with Bridget.

Cate: What are you talking about? I mean, you and Bridget always…yell at each other.

Paul: Yeah, well, that’s, like, the only thing we have in common. (Pause) I mean, with Kerry, I understand her. She’s smart, she’s sophisticated, she’s a teenager with dreams. With the boy, I get him. I get his needs. I understand by the look of his eyes that he wants something, that he needs something. But Bridget, I don’t know. I mean, she has her own look in style and fashion. Like, like today, she was wearing a red thong that is totally showing, her stomach was halfway there, her breasts were out there! (Pause) And I grounded her. She just didn’t take it that well.

Cate: Aaawww. (Puts her book aside) Honey, listen to me. This always happens. I mean, you may not be too connected to Bridget, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t know her and that she’s not your daughter. That’s right, it just keeps wanna rub ya! (Pause) Maybe…have you ever thought of it that way? What if the reason it’s too hard for you to understand Bridget is because she’s becoming more mature, it’s probably because she’s becoming one heck of a woman?

Paul: (thinks) Nope, never thought of it that way! (Laughs)

Cate: Well…maybe you should. I mean maybe Bridget is growing up real fast after all.

Paul: Okay, okay, okay, hold on a second. You lost me. So maybe Bridget is probably growing up and is becoming a woman…BLAH-BLAH-BLAH. (Pause) How would that affect her relationship with me? I mean, there is no way I can get her connect to me now that she’s a woman. And there was no way I could get her to connect with me when she was a child. I’m lost in the maze!

Cate: You always are. (Pause) Paul, treat her like a grownup, like a mature young lady. Talk to her.

Paul: I do, do that!

Cate: But not about bunnies and bears!

Paul: What, that’s like the only story that I have!

Cate: Talk to her about her… I don’t know, needs?

Paul: Needs? (Thinks then suddenly widens his eyes)

Scene: The Living Room. Bridget is watching TV as Paul sits next to her and covers himself too with the blanket.

Paul: Hey. Man, it so cold in here. I mean…woman.

Bridget: Yeah, I know.

(Silence)

Paul: Uhm, Bridge, can I talk to you for a second?

Bridget: Oh, dad, can I wait? ‘Cause I’m watching Full House. (Laughs) Oh, my god! That was so funny, just if I could understand what an abdomen is!

Paul: Why are we watching this? Let’s watch something else! (Switches the channel) Huh, this is pretty good.

Bridget: Desire? Dad, please, I’m still a kid!

Paul: So, yeah, uhm (coughs) so the thing that I wanted to…share with you….(Pause) It’s, uh, it’s kinda about your needs.

(Silence.)

Bridget: My needs?

Paul: Yeah.

Bridget: Dad, are you high?

Paul: No, listen, umm…I just want you to know that there’s a crazy world out there. All right? And you are going to meet like a thousand boys. Just pick the right one, the good one, the one who appreciates you and says that he loves you.

Brudget: Oh, my god. You wanna talk to me about sex, don’t you?

Paul: Yeah, listen…

Bridget: I-I’m sorry, dad. I’m just – I’m just not so comfortable talking…about it.

(Silence.)

Paul: Because you’ve never done it, right? Great, all set! Good night! (Starts to get up.)

Commercial Break

Scene: The Living Room. Bridget is stopping Paul from leaving, continued from earlier.

Bridget: Hold on, hold on, hold on a second. Wait. Did you just…did you just say, “because you’ve never done it”?

Paul: Uh-umm, I don’t know. Maybe I did say it and maybe I didn’t, what do you think?

Bridget: I think that the whole point of you speaking to me and watching…Desire with me was just because you want to find out whether I’ve had sex or not! Oh, my god!

Paul: No, no, Bridget, that is so not true! Oh, god, Bridget, let me tell you the truth.

Bridget: Okay. What is the truth?

(Silence.)

Paul: You want some money?

Bridget: Ugh, dad, I can’t believe you would even think about this! I mean, god, don’t you trust me? Don’t you know me even a little bit? My god, I am so angry right now. Don’t talk to me! (Runs up the stairs)

Paul: But…(Pause) You can watch Full House if you want!

Scene: The Kitchen. Paulis having breakfast, Cate is around as Bridget goes down the stairs with another typical almost topless clothes just to upset her father.

Cate: Good morning, sweetie.

Paul: Good morning, cupcake.

Bridget: Good morning, mom.

Paul: Yeah, okay, I got that. (Pause) Nice outfit.

Bridget: Thanks, you want it?

Paul: No, I’ve got better. (Bridget sniffs) But thanks for the gesture. (Pause) So, uhm, Bridgie, what plans do you have today?

Bridget: Umm, mom, can you tell dad that it’s, like, totally none of his business?

Cate: Oh, Bridget, I don’t really think that…

Bridget: Do it!

Cate: (Turns to Paul) Paul, Bridget wants to inform you that it’s none of your business.

Paul: Cate, can you tell Bridget that yes it is my business because I’m her father and I care about her and all I’m doing in looking after her.

Cate: (Turns to Bridget) Bridget, your father wants you to know that it is his business to know because he’s your father and he cares about you, sweetheart.

Paul: Looking after her.

Cate: And all he’s doing is looking after you, sweetie!

Bridget: (to Cate, really fast) Well, mom, can you tell dad that if he is a pretty good father who cares about me and looks out for me and wants the best to happen to me, he probably wouldn’t have a private late night conversation with me while being weirdly friendly and watching TV with me then ask me about my private sex life, now would he!

Cate: (Turns to Paul) Well…you heard that, so I don’t think I need to…I don’t think I can…

Paul: (While looking at Bridget) Well, Cate, can you tell Bridget that the reason I would probably ask about her private sex life is because I’m actually worried about her because not all seventeen year-old girls are as pretty as her!

Bridget: (While looking at Paul) Well, mom, can you tell dad that if he actually trusts me and believes in me and actually knows me well, he wouldn’t have to be worried about me and my private sex life, so he probably won’t have to ask me weird questions in the middle of night that might or have caused me nightmares!

Paul: (While looking at Bridget, now louder) Well, Cate, can you tell your daughter that a father should always be overprotected over his pretty girl because if he won’t, who knows, she might end up a slutty stripper!

Cate: You know what? After all that, I don’t think I’d be able to speak anymore. (Walks away)

(Kerry comes down the stairs.)

Kerry: Wow, Bridget, nice earrings!

Bridget: Oh, thanks, it wasn’t that bad to plug a hole in my abdomen!

Kerry: An abdomen is your stomach, you dope! (Pause) You plug earrings in your ears! You see now why they’re called earrings! (Pause) My god, and she passed the Chemistry test! (Walks away)

Bridget: Who told you I did?

Paul: What!

Bridget: I mean...

Scene: Bridget and Kerry's Bedroom. Bridget is there as Paul enters.

Paul: All right, you know what! I can't do this!

Bridget: Hi, dad.

Paul: I'm just gonna get this over with! Did you or did you not have sex?

Bridget: Dad...

Paul: Did you, or did not...

Bridget: No! Dad, god! No!

Paul: Good. Thank you. I'm here to tell you that lunch is ready. (Smiles and, on his way to leave...)

Bridget: Yes. (Short pause) I did. Have it.

(Paul just stands by the doorway, his back to Bridget)

END.

(Hey, part II is coming soon. Sorry about the cliffhanger though)